11 May 3 Ways to Set and Keep your Personal Boundaries.
Setting our own Personal Boundaries
There are times when we feel we are being taken advantage of, feel frustration or even anger with someone. We are taught things when we are children and we follow these onto adulthood but there are times when we feel uncomfortable in certain situations and we have to re-visit our values and beliefs and make changes.
You can set personal boundaries around any area of your life. They could be about your thoughts and feelings, your physical space, your friends and your social life and your spiritual beliefs. If you haven’t had a significant role model to raise you with personal boundaries then setting them can sometimes feel uncomfortable.
- Think about different types of boundaries. Try to recall situations where you’ve felt discomfort, anger, resentment or frustration with someone. This is usually because your limits have been crossed.
- Identify the boundary that you would need to put in place to avoid these feelings again. For example, you’re not happy to ‘bad mouth’ other work colleagues or you are not happy to keep helping someone that gives nothing back, or you put up with behaviour that is unacceptable. Which relationships in your life would this apply to? Friends, colleagues, family, partner or strangers?
- When you feel someone is about to cross your boundary speak up assertively. Respect your own boundaries, be polite and firm and rather than blaming the other person use ‘i don’t want to discuss other people’ or ‘i am not prepared to help on this occasion’, or ‘ i am not prepared to accept your behaviour’. When you’re changing your mindset or behaviour it does take time and practice to embed but don’t feel guilty, in the long term you are looking after yourself and showing yourself respect. This will give you new found self worth.
Live courageously and confidently.
Alison